What it's Like to be Pregnant (12 weeks to go)
The last 28 weeks have been quite a journey.
I have this reoccuring visual metaphor about turning a corner that I conjer up on occasion when there's a big change ahead. It could be a trip to someplace new, reaching a goal, a friendship that teaches. My wedding day and getting engaged both apply. It has to do with not being able to see what's ahead and then being completely changed by what you see once you 'turn the corner'.
Pregnancy is like that, too.
I waited a long time before considering the possibility (not knowing if it could happen as sometimes is the case). I even went through a period of time where I thought it was not something I wanted. That changed with age and the growth of relationships (especially the part pertaining to marrying someone who is a supportive and strong partner).
It's different for everyone. That's perfectly fine.
We lost the baby the first time. I wasn't quiet about it. I am careful when I talk about our pregnancy now because 1. we are still in it and 2. some couples are still struggling in their journies.
Pregnancy is raw emotion and unrelenting biology.
It is gradual in its growth and sudden in its arousal.
It awakens and tires you.
It is both consuming and complimentary.
Then, one day, quite literally, it kicks you.
And you are never the same after that.
This baby is part of me (now). Soon she will be ready to see what this world has in store. We will be separate and this will be a wonderful but distant memory. So I am remaining present as possible -- while enjoying the wonderful distractions of daily life that kept me from going completely insane early on (before I could see her or feel her and when ulstrasound appointments were 4 weeks apart causing nothing but worry in the days that followed).
In the third trimester there are aches and pains and symptoms they don't write about in books.
We are in it together.
All of us.
I think about the women who came before: my Mom's pregnancy journey which was never a real thought or comprehensible to me until it was my turn; women in the far corners of the earth who have limited access to healthcare; women who struggle to conceive; women who work. We are all on a personal and spiritual journey that is so different and yet the same.
I wish you all well on your way. 12 weeks to go!