Winter Shifts Landscape; Canadian Government Claims Hudson Valley
Happy April Fools 2015!
Has anyone been to the bank recently? Or the nearest Walmart? If not, you might be in for a bit of a surprise.
The unending winter has indicated a shift in the geographical landscape. This prompted government officials to look closely at what that means. During this review it was revealed that due to at a treaty signed back in 1775 by then Area Supervisor Franklin Washington and an apparent turn in earth's tilt which puts New York closer to the Canadian border (thereby explaining the weather patterns we've experienced this year) means, that........ we in the Hudson Valley...... are in fact not Americans after all. We are …... Canadian!
To make matters harder to determine, notes from that time period are sketchy at best. Many historical documents were lost, burned, or soaked in rum and are now illegible. However, based on some of the surviving notes, it seems that Franklin was gambling that if the British were successful, and the Revolution failed, at least those of us in the Husdon Valley would be free of British tyranny. Instead, we would be a Canadian territory.
News of this newly discovered document travelled quickly. And so did the Canadian government. As a result, all the banks in town are removing the green currency that we are used to seeing and spending. Those bills are being replaced by, ::gulp:: red and blue and brown bills. Don't bother looking for our local currency, dollar bills are gone. They have been replaced by dollar coins and the funny shaped two dollar coins. Certain establishments in the Hudson Valley that often deal with large amounts of dollar bills might be in for a shock as the sun sets tonight. Currency transfer stations have been established in various locations.
Even the landmarks are changing. Early this morning on one of our trademark bridges, the American flag was removed and replaced.... It won’t be long before old Glory is just a passing memory.
Not everyone is up in arms. Many people are crowding the local Walmart. It seems that prices at the Pharmacy have dropped dramatically overnight. Even some items not available in the rest of New York state currently are now readily available. "Who needs to travel to Colorado any more to get the good stuff, we have it right here in the Hudson Valley year round” claimed one happy resident. It has been confirmed that we now have a year round supply of items for skiing and hockey. It also seems that items related to baseball, the Hudson Valley's former past time, have all but disappeared from the shelves, being replaced by hockey sticks and skates.
Satire and photoshop by George Ruger